If you believe films, TV, social media, and Valentine’s Day greeting cards, the secret to good relationships is romance. We think the key to long-lasting relationships has more to do with how well and how fairly you navigate conflicts.
The good times are easy to get through. Keeping relationships healthy through problems and disagreements is harder. Learning how to resolve inevitable conflicts is a vital life skill for maintaining every important relationship in your life.
Here are some good rules of thumb for having a fair disagreement:
- Don’t let anger or resentment fester and build up.
- Aim to resolve, not to win. Negotiate and compromise.
- Learn to listen. Ask questions. Don’t interrupt.
- Use the 5-second rule - stop and weigh your words before replying.
- Give people the benefit of the doubt. Separate the problem from the person.
- Cultivate acceptance. Don’t try to change people.
- Don’t hit below the belt. Don’t accuse. Don’t exploit weaknesses. Be fair.
- It’s not all about you. Try not to over-personalize.
- Stay in control. Use words, not actions, to express your feelings.
- Let go. Forgive. Don’t hold grudges.
If you face problems in your relationships that you haven’t been able to resolve, our counselors are available 24-7-365. Simply call 1.800.252.4555.
You can also tap into extensive Self-Help Resources for interpersonal relationships, partnerships, marriage, family life, and parenting. Click “Member Login” at www.theEAP.com/HealthCare-EAP and when signed in, click “Connections/Work-Life.”